#FIND LOVE OR DIE TRYING RULE34 SKIN#

Jabba the Hutt was a confused kid, trying to come to terms with his own sexuality.

The sail barge, the dancing girls, an in-house jazz fusion band, the frogsвЂ“these were just cries for help.

Odds are that Jabba the Hutt would be more titillated by the likes of other, similarly repulsive-looking aliens such asВ Slurms MacKenzie ,В the вЂњSlitherвЂќ alien and possibly the coffee-chugging worms from вЂњMen in BlackвЂќ for when heвЂ™s feeling extra raunchy.Д«ut assuming, for a moment, that bipedal humanoids do it for Jabba, was Leia really who heвЂ™s after? Smooth skin? No thanks.В Symmetrical nostrils? Disgusting. Second, why would Jabba ever find Leia attractive? No matter how good she looked in that gold bikini (and she didВ look good), if youвЂ™re a giant space slug then you are probably attracted to otherВ giant space slugs. Fun fact: The banana slugsвЂ™ favorite sex position is 69, dude! Another fun fact: After mating, banana slugs often eat (as in literally eat) each otherвЂ™s penises. If we compare HuttsВ to banana slugs, for instance, this would mean that Hutts are hermaphrodites with both male and female genitalia. However, this may not mean that little Hutt balls pop off if you get them wet or that they have sex-changing frog DNA.

#FIND LOVE OR DIE TRYING RULE34 SKIN#

According to theВ Star Wars expanded universe, all Hutts reproduce asexually they keep their young in their wrinkly skin folds much like marsupials. First, we donвЂ™t even know if Hutts have sex. However, if Jabba had actual sex with slave Leia is yet to be determined. JabbaвЂ™s Palace was a hostile work environment for TwiвЂ™leks, pig-faced guards and unwashed Rancor trainers alike. Jabba surrounded himself with a plethora of beautiful, weak-minded aliens who were forced to act as if he doesnвЂ™t look like a greasy turd. HeвЂ™s theВ DovВ Charney of a galaxy far, far away. There is no doubt that Jabba pawed, fondled, pinched, prodded and slobbered on Princess Leia. Which brings us to the question of the hour: Did Jabba the Hutt make unwanted sexual advances on Leia Organa? Absolutely. They could be there for Jabba and his insatiable slug desires, or as mere set pieces. I think itвЂ™s the laying around sexily part that makes us wonder what the point was. What was the purpose of JabbaвЂ™s slave girls? Based solely on what we see in вЂњReturn of the Jedi ,вЂќВ the gangsterвЂ™s comely harum spent one-third of their screen time dancing, another third being eaten by monsters and a third of their time laying around sexily. It is the elephant in the room, or giant sentient slug in the room, that has haunted generations of Star Wars fans. This article was originally published in Death and Taxes on April 14, 2014.

Find love or die trying rule34